Dwarf Fortress!

I discovered you can't hurl pets down pits ;   n ; Anybody got another creative way for me to push the cats down there?

So I can't find any iron anywhere, which seriously sucks. Might have to settle for bronze/what I can get off the wagons.

Speaking of wagons, some hippies came to my fortress today. I was offering them a ~600 money profit, but they kept demanding a fucking ~2000 profit. Eventually I decided I'd had enough so I just had my troops kill them and I took their goods. Screw 'em.

I was doing some fiddling with the lazy newb settings, trying to make kids a little rarer. Instead I made it so migrants NEVER bring kids with them by accident. I'm A-OK with this XD
 
Let's just say that the head of my fortress forbade foreign kids XD

A vampire got into my fortress, but I managed to seal her off in an isolated area. She's been there, alone, for months, but she's ecstatic that nobody got around to punishing her for killing one of my carpenters.

lol nice

About the pets:

1. Dig hole (Size depending on god's cruelty)
2. Build retracting bridge
3. Set Animal Pin on top of bridge
4. Mechanisms
5. ?????????
6. Profit

Yeah kids are worthless

I swear, Brokers always wait until there's a trader at the depot to suddenly get very lazy. If he doesn't get his ass in gear before the humans look ready to leave, I'm going to give him the VERY important duty of chanelling out a hole into the caverns.

Is it possible to manipulate things in such a way that a Noble will carry out an item that they themselves had banned for export, so that then they would have to schedule themselves for a beating?

Because that'd be awesome.

Not that i know of... Dwarfy justice

Many a noble haft die a horrible death banning the export of metal...

Hey Rabbi, what sounds more fun?

With a retractable bridge in front of my Fortress gate that drops into;

1. A long long drop.
2. A zone filled with weapon traps.
3. A zone filled with upright weapons.

I was inspired to capture GCS and tame them into web turrets someday

Today I was having my dwarves clear the floor out from the center of my archery tower above my main entrance. Sadly, they did the job carelessly, so they caused a cave-in.

The dwarf child who was standing ON the tile that dropped only got some broken legs, but it killed one of my clothiers, who was on the floor ABOVE, and wiped out my Trade Depot.

I sure hope the dwarf traders won't hold that against me next year; I need their coal, iron and steel >:

Upright spikes are always fun, lots of fun imagery every time your fortress is attacked.

I always like to set up a bunch of cage traps, capture raiding squads. Then i build a huge 30+lvl temple dedicated to amok. I store all of my prisoners at the top and create a guilded decorative chamber on the ground with whatever luxurious metal I've come across. Set up some spears and the Sacrificing can begin!

Whenever I try to move cages, my dwarves accidentally release the prisoners, and then run away :/

So usually my POW's just stack up in the animal stockpile until they eventually starve XD

One of my craftdwarves made a stone artifact today. He dedicated on it an image of a dwarf who made an artifact of his own a year ago or so. That's actually kinda sweet.

Yeah thieves are slippery and can escape... Everything else works fine tho

So he made an artifact of a dwarf making an artifact...

My archery tower is built, so I decided to build an underground area for merchants, so that I can close them in and protect them if a seige comes while they're here, and so that I can add a flooding feature to handle those pesky elves, and so that I can add a GCS that will be unleashed upon the elves, except fuck they're at peace with nature, stupid hippies, and so that I can add a GCS that will be unleashed upon the elves, after I remove the [at peace with nature] tag from them .

So proud

Fukken elves

Year three and onward immigrant waves usually are very dull for me.

By then I usually have my chief engraver (I pick up a legendary engraver by telling one single dwarf to smooth the entire fortress and then check in on him a year or two later XD), cooks, brewers, metalsmiths, jewelers and crafters all squared away and gaining ranks, so it's usually very rare for any migrants to have a skill that's of any use to me.

Most just get lumped into farming/fishing/carpentry/masonry/architecture/the military. Armok help any actual FARMERS that show up. Most have uselessly specific gearing toward useless shit like cheesemaking, beekeeping or lye making.

I've now got my dwarves mass-producing serrated glass discs.

I'm going to make the entrance to my fortress a death trap of serrated goblin/elf death!

Actually I've got a better idea for bridge-pit trap I mentioned earlier. I'll just have the pit dump gobbies into a small pit that's blocked off with fortifications, and let my marksdwarves pick them off at their leisure. Training, and easy deaths, so nice and efficient and sadistic

"Shooting them to death isn't sadistic!" you say? You should watch your hunters. I've frequently seem them continuing to shoot an unconscious animal whose limbs are all broken.

Fortress suffered an ambush today. Sent 'em packing fairly easily, but now my doctors are ignoring a footless dwarf in need of rescuing >:I

One of my militia captains decided to check out of the hospital despite having one arm broken and the other fractured at the elbow. She's been trying and failing to clean herself for months because her ability to grasp is lost.

Somehow, this doesn't prevent her from eating and drinking @.@

Dorfs will ALLWAYS find a way to drink. lol

and Hospital mechanics are not all the way there...

Update on that; her arms apparently healed enough that she was able to clean herself. I'm honestly glad that I didn't lose a perfectly good militia captain to an infection that could have easily been avoided.

Goblins aren't attacking my Fortress enough, and I wanted to test some of the traps and defenses I've prepared.

Therefor, I'm going to begin pissing off the hippies so they'll attack me as well.

Humans get spared; they occasionally bring me stuff that my fellow Dorfs don't.

A day or so ago a goblin seige consisting of crossbowmen arrived alongside a human caravan. Dorfs seem to handle getting shot more poorly than they getting stabbed, so I decided to let the humans take care of it. It was just one squad anyways.

As expected, the goblins panicked and fled at the first sign of the caravan guards, so I went about my business.

Cut ahead an in-game month or two, I receive a notice a goblin bowman is no longer enraged. It turns out one of the humans had badly wounded him during the battle and had spent the intervening time trying to bash the goblin's head in with his iron maul, only for the goblin's bronze helmet to deflect the blow each time. He was doing this. For months.

Dedication

lol

A new mayor came in to power while the caravans were out the door. He apparently thinks his piddly little mandates mean anything, because he pointed the finger at about a half-dozen dwarves for breaking a law that didn't exist while they broke it.

Fortunately, one of the dwarves who died because of his unjust punishments didn't have an assigned commiter, so I was able to accuse HIM of the crime. He's scheduled for 50 hammerstrokes.

Eat justice, jackass!

Not much to say recently. Decided to make a greenhouse just to give myself something to do, but there's a lot of rocky ground. I decided to use pumps and the river to flood the greenhouse grounds and turn it all to mud. Progress is going pretty smoothly, and I've got the dwarves burning trees overtime so that I can get all the clear glass I'll need. The fact that I've been using the caravans up to now for all my log needs means the opposite side of the river from my fortress is basically Fangorn by now (I've been clearing trees on my side to leave an area for caravans to go through)

In other news, some elf merchants arrived, but the goblins arrived right after so I didn't get to kill the elves myself.

Stupid gobbos >:U There weren't even enough to give my milidwarves a decent warmup.

A dragon attack :DBut he went down pretty easily, so that was disappointing.

Strangely, one of my dwarves bled to death on the spot in the middle of the fight, but I checked the combat logs and so no sign of him getting hurt o.e That was weird.